searching for truth
it’s a dangerous thing to do.
once you stumble upon a crumb, you can’t walk the other way. you have to pick it up and turn it around in your hands until the feeling settles into your bones—the weight of discovering something true. it’s not good or bad, but it’s heavy. it’s serious. it’s no laughing matter. it’s the ‘fear of God’ feeling so often described as the proper disposition towards a higher power. it’s not as fleeting as respect or as sobering as tragedy. it’s a bone-deep knowing that this is it.
this can be the most freeing and most entangling endeavor. you can’t unknow truth and you can’t ignore it. it might take ahold of your soul and never let go—but it’s also the only thing your soul seeks.
sometimes, when you stumble upon a fraction of truth, or a whole reservoir of it, it’s so right, so deeply, profoundly there and true, your mind and body feel incapable of doing anything but receiving. these moments of discovery are so foreign to daily life it makes you realize just how often you wade through distraction and disorder. when the stars finally align, you realize how often they’re scattered. when the noise stops, the silence becomes deafening. you realize how often and how easily you keep yourself steeped in the chaos and confusion the world offers. a fallen society gift-wraps lie after lie with the glittering bows of influence and curation. we’ve fallen so far from our purpose, our true nature, that finding even a fraction of the Truth puts you on top of the world. you think a crumb of Knowing has awarded you enlightenment when, in reality, this wisp of knowledge course-corrected your soul about 0.2% closer to the Way.
i’m realizing a few things after reflecting more on truth. i want to feel a responsibility to articulate it well. when i discover Truth, my disposition to it should hold the ‘fear of God’ energy. because what is truth besides an extension of God? if i stumble upon her, i can’t keep it to myself; i can’t happily reflect on a nugget of wisdom without hoping it will benefit others’ lives, too. and i can’t share it confidently without practice. i have an obligation to get to know Truth, so i can advocate for her well. she deserves as much.
my second reflection is that, regardless of how well we get to know Truth or practice articulating her, the receivers won’t be receptive unless it’s time for them to hear it. each soul is on its own personal journey, & even the most life-altering piece of information could go in one ear & out the other unless our hearts & souls are primed to receive it.
nevertheless, i will go on searching & sharing.